Even though, afterwards, our deepest parts are often left feeling slimy and rotten comparison is so tempting, isn't it? It seems to attempt to invade every aspect of our lives - even if we try not to let on that it does. Whether in secret or sheer open defiance of the consequences, comparing ourselves; our marriages, motherhood, our jobs, our bodies, our children (oh man, the list is endless) seems like an ever returning rabbit trail of internal destruction - making gaping holes in our minds, spirits, hearts, relationships, and our children's perspective of themselves.
Ahh, our children. There's even more at risk when comparing their lives to... anyone else. Comparing our children to others; their peers, our friends' children, their siblings, and even ourselves or "who they once were", just isn't wise, healthy, productive, or kind.
Actually, in my opinion, neither is boasting... relentlessly. Sure, we absolutely should be proud of each of our children. I am definitely not saying we shouldn't be thrilled about what they are learning and share that excitement with others. We should share it and encourage our children in their achievements and challenges. But, we should be careful that our words don't convey to their little ears [hearts] that small things like at what age they could eat a pea (slight exaggeration) or say a two-syllable word (or their older milestones/accomplishments) should dictate their value or measure their abilities. Or, on the opposite side of things, because they walked/talked two months "late" (or in some cases - never do) they are somehow not as smart or amusing as the "advanced" ones.
Of course we don't intentionally say those things out right, but the fact remains that our negative and positive words EACH have both negative and positive implications on how our children view and value themselves, and how they perceive our opinion of them.
Our son was incredibly advanced (honestly, it blew us away) to the point of being considered a "savant/genius" by his medical team. Now, as a result of trauma to his brain from severe seizures and a possible genetic mutation, he is now considered to be "mildly mentally retarded". I can't lie that that was difficult news for us. But, I am so grateful that we never made a big deal about how "advanced" our son was because though he feels saddened and frustrated by the changes in his brain - he doesn't feel defeated or "less than" or like he's lost his identity. He's still Evod regardless of how his cognitive skills, milestones, and academic achievements "measure up". The fact is, his ability to love, be loved, and be a world changer isn't limited by earthly labels. His purpose isn't minimized. Period. And, shame on me if the temptation of comparison gets the better of me and causes him to ever think differently.
You see, just as he wasn't defined by the more favorable label, "savant/genius" he also isn't defined be the less favorable label “mildly mentally retarded”. Just the same, our daughter isn't defined by the milestones her body once achieved, but is no longer [seemingly] able to do because of Rett Syndrome.
Our children (ours and yours) are defined by so much more than what they can and can't do; physically, cognitively, emotionally, etc... As parents, may we not get distracted by comparison, jealousy, insecurities, and luring deceptions that make us feel like we and/or our children are somehow "better" or "less than". May we put temporary [worldly] standards on the back burner and choose to remember and, in turn, remind our children of the eternal gifts (though often mocked), genuine love (though often misconstrued), and world changing purposes (though seemingly less attractive) that are woven in them by their Creator. In spite of how "advanced" or "handicapped" our children may be, may our words reflect unconditional love, acceptance, grace, and pride beyond how our earthly selves, and those around us, tend to discern and label “success", "purpose", and "value".
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well." - Psalm 139:14
