Purpose to Pursue

Time seems to pass so much quicker these days, as if someone has made a hole in the hour glass keeping track of the minutes, hours, and days. If I am honest, I will say that managing my time, and all that fills it, isn't easy. I try to prioritize, but suddenly the scale seems to be somewhat tipped on one side. 

Favoritism certainly isn't the culprit, but I have found myself forced to face the fact that, in the middle of learning to parent (and help) our beautiful special needs son and tending to our sweet baby girl (among other things, of course), my marriage and my mild mannered and loving middle child are slowly slipping through the cracks. Naturally, I have been trying so hard to learn all I can about Intractable Epilepsy, Bipolar Disorder, Psychosis Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and Asperger's,  that I [unnaturally] left too little time for playing dollies, dress up and princess time with my treasure hunting, adventure seeking, creative girl. 

It's amazing to me that even if we aren't intentional about doing something, it can indeed happen - if we aren't intent about not letting it happen. I have tried to be mindful of how Avnielle is coping in the midst of all of these major life changes, but that isn't enough. I have to purpose to seek her out; create time for her and I to just be silly/play/rest together, find out how she's processing her brother being ill, spend time with her in her room with her toys and her wonderful imagination. I know that God has chosen Avnielle to be Evod's little sister, Liella's big sister, and our middle daughter. She has been such a gift through all of this; so patient, compassionate, fun, funny, cuddly,understanding and so very graceful. I need to make sure she knows that I know, and so cherish, those things (and more) about her. 

Ahh... and, my husband. I couldn't have hand picked a better Papa for our children. He loves each of them in ways I never knew of, or experienced (as a child). I admire him, respect him, and learn so much from him but does he know that I feel that way? He works hard for us, sometimes seven days a week - between two jobs, and I am so grateful for all that we have. Again, does he know that I am grateful? I love his smiles, kisses, and long hugs. Especially now, his affection means so much to me. Do I humbly let him know that his affections help me cope and smile from the inside, even if perhaps you can't always see the smile on the outside?

Now is not the time to assume; in fact, a marriage [and parenthood] isn't the place to assume, but rather affirm. Too many marriages die in the midst of a crises (Yes, I have come to realize that our family is right smack dab in the middle of crisis.). I will not standby and watch as my marriage becomes a part of a statistic. I refuse to live under the umbrella of denial and assumptions, blocking the sunlight from exposing areas of sin, pain, neglect, and ignorance. Seeing such things might seem like an inconvenience right now, in light of all we are facing, but it's necessary. It's vital. 

The truth is, stress and worry can cause us to shy away from the very things that can help us to thrive in the midst of a storm/trial/crisis; confession, repentance, forgiveness, affirmation. Life doesn't stand still,just so that we can tend to the part of our lives that is in crisis, and temptation doesn't resist the opportunities that lie within. Satan seeks to steal, kill and destroy. And, nope, he doesn't put those "goals" aside either... ever. 

Ahh... and then there's God. Even in this storm, I know God loves us. He has been so faithful to give us rest and hope- even when sleep is far from us, even when circumstance seems grim. He has continually shown us how near He is, even when our eyes cannot see. Through His creation, He speaks such love to us, even if our ears don't hear a word. God purposefully pursues us! I want to purpose to pursue my Lord, my husband, and each of my children. I thank God for opening my eyes to see, the tipping scale in my life, before I unknowingly allowed it to put a wedge between my husband and I. My children and I. My God and I. 

{Don't assume. Affirm.}