Life.

We didn't even know his name yet, but we knew we loved him. We hadn't yet laid eyes on him, but we deeply adored him. We, nor the doctors, had any way of knowing what we would face five years later, but had Eric and I known we would have fought for him, just the same.

While Evod was still living and growing in my womb, I was encouraged to "terminate pregnancy"/ "abort my fetus"/ murder our son. Ultimately, when we refused, I was being prepared for the possibility of giving birth to a still born. On an early August day, after hours and hours of labor, Evodence was born warm, healthy, and beautiful. We rejoiced, because the life that we had been praying and fighting for was finally in our arms... alive. 

Though, of course, that unique warmth of his newborn-ness is no longer here, his heart continues to be so tender and warm, and he is as beautiful as ever. Healthy? Well, no, he's no longer healthy. Sudden physical and mental illness has changed our son's life. He faces a lot of trials and every day is full of complex, often painful, obstacles; emotionally, behaviorally, cognitively, and physically. I cannot deny that it has been an incredibly difficult time for us, but we absolutely, fully and passionately, embrace our vibrant boy. Life isn't easy for him, or for any of us in his family but, regardless of what the world shouts at us, we aren't giving anything, or anyone, the right to minimize our son's value and purpose behind his precious heartbeat. 

Even while I was on bed rest for 8 months, admitted with a feeding tube, and giving myself "IV's" at home, I couldn't get the facts twisted; inconvenience, complications, deformities, illness (physical or mental) shouldn't be given the power to minimize life, much less end it.... regardless of how the process or idea "termination of pregnancy" was pitched to me. Im saddened by the parallels of the battles our culture faces, both in and outside of the womb. Many, who so arrogantly talk about rights and freedoms, don't seem to think twice about thinking less of life itself. Well, when it comes to someone else's rights, freedoms and life. 

To some our blessing; our beautiful, bright and brave boy, can be looked at as simply a burdensome number to add to our overpopulated, medicaid crutching country. There are those that consider him, and babies/children/adults like him, to merely be a statistic [rather than a human with a heart] and, in their mind, illness not only defines them, but devalues them. What ignorance. What blindness. 

If the doctors somehow knew, that our son, early on in his young life, would be struck with physical and mental illness, would that have been one more reason, in their eyes, to abort him? Honestly, that thought has struck me deeply and left me stuck here with memories of my sweet boy flooding my mind. Memories that I cherish, memories that have changed me and made me better, and yes, so many of those memories are from this past year since my son has been ill.Tears are welling up in my eyes and my heart is overwhelmed, heavy, and racing... my son is not less. His life counts. 

Evodence is not a burden on my shoulders or on the shoulder's of our society... he is a gift, a blessing. Just as when he was in my womb, hiccuping and kicking, and I was amazed at his little life, and found him worthy of this fight... I absolutely still do. I always will. I will never grow weary of proclaiming God's purposes for my son. I will never stop reminding him of his value in my world, in his world - regardless of who tries to minimize it. I will always pray for wisdom to stand up for him, fight for him, and love him loudly. Even with all my love, I will always remind him that my love and advocacy pale to Jesus'. I must say, it will also be my duty to remind him to pray for those who try to bully and ridicule him, because it must be so sad, shallow, and suffocating to have such a perspective on life. Just as we fought, and still fight, for Evodence, we want him to know he's not the only one whose life, before even leaving the so-called safety of the womb, is under attack. We have to be bold, prayerful, and mindful of recycling the love and grace that has been extended to us. 

Life, regardless of its location; inside the womb or outside the womb, is precious in the eyes of the One who caused each heart to begin to beat. Life, regardless of physical or mental health affliction, has purpose in the eyes of the One who called their life into existence. No one, no law, no ignorant remark can change that truth... can change God's love. Before we ever held our son in our arms, God used his life to change ours. Had I aborted [murdered] my son - my life, my world, my being, my family would have less love, less light... less life.